Shake The Dice, Steal The Rice!

Jesper Parnevik Channels Tony Soprano

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 21:37:00 -0500

While the rest of Tiger Woods’ golfing cohorts, for the most part, are (understandably) keeping their opinions to themselves, an outraged Jesper Parnevik, who played marriage-broker for Tiger and Elin, made some powerful comments:

“I would be especially sad about it since I’m kind of — I feel really sorry for Elin — since me and my wife were at fault for hooking her up with him. We probably thought he was a better guy than he is. I would probably need to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of the 3-iron.”

“It’s a private thing of course. But when you are the guy he is, the world’s best athlete, you should think more before you do stuff.” [via FanHouse]

Co-signed.

Meanwhile, according to Bill Zwecker of the Chicago-Sun Times, Elin is reportedly being bribed with a seven-figure paycheck to stand by her cheating husband. (Image management!) He also alleges the couple have entered marriage counseling and are renegotiating their prenuptial agreement:

My source indicated Elin Nordegren Woods, the mother of Tiger’s two children, has demanded — and is getting — a total rewrite on the couple’s prenuptial agreement making the incentives for her to remain Mrs. Tiger Woods even more enticing.

At this point, the couple needed to remain married for 10 years in order for Woods’ wife to collect a splitsville settlement of $20 million. I’m being told that time frame has been shortened — and the dollar amount increased “substantially.”

Perhaps most important of all, the Woodses have already begun intense marriage counseling — at their home — with a counselor who has been conducting sessions several times daily.

If they don’t work things out, Elin deserves way more of his kajillion fortune than $20 million. At this point, the only sympathy I feel is for Elin and their swedecaublasians. I have none for Tiger — he is still the greatest golfer in the world and I respect his game (on the golf course). But I also don’t necessarily rejoice in watching his perfectly manufactured life fall down the cracks and his dirty laundry aired to the world (despite my relentless coverage). Unfortunately, one of the drawbacks of being Tiger Woods — whether it’s fair or not — means suffering intense public scrutiny when he makes a pretty damn big mistake.

As Parnevik quipped, “Maybe not just do it, like Nike says.”

[Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images]

If I were Mrs. Nordegren-Woods, I would take that seven-figure bribery, wait until that rewritten pre-nup marriage time requirement has passed, and then immediately file for divorce the minute that time passes.

Mo’ money, mo’ money. I mean, she’s owed at least that much for all of the crazy shiz Tiger has just put her through. (And you know all that money is like pennies to Tiger.)

ACC/Big Ten Challenge Tonight

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 21:33:00 -0500

kiamatthews:

GOODBYE BIG TEN.

Down 47-27 at halftime, and down 23 a few minutes into the second half. Playing at Littlejohn Coliseum, one of the toughest venues in the ACC. Playing two true freshmen, in their first true college road game of their careers.

Illinois 76, Clemson 74. Fighting Illini indeed.

EDIT: Oh, bt-dubs: Big Ten 6, ACC 5. BAI.

The Monkey Is Off Her Back...

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 17:52:00 -0500

Michelle Wie finally has won her first LPGA title! Especially sweet considering it came at Lorena’s tournament, which is a limited-field event comprised of only 36 of the best women players. Considering she played her first LPGA event at the ripe old age of 12, it’s taken her 8 years.

I know a lot of folks will say it’s about freakin’ time, but you gotta remember this girl had so much pressure and attention right from the start to be the next Tiger. And she’s still only 20 years old.

I think the wins will come much faster for her from now on.

GPOYW, Tuesday edition: The...

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 13:46:00 -0500

GPOYW, Tuesday edition: The I-just-shaved-off-all-my-locks-and-I’m-not-sure-about-it look.

HYUUUUGE game this weekend. My Duckies will play host to...

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 13:05:00 -0400

HYUUUUGE game this weekend.

My Duckies will play host to perennial ~~college-football-team-everyone-hates-along- with-OSU~~ powerhouse USC. College Gameday will make Eugene their home on Saturday as well. Autzen will be rocking (and Matt Barkley will be shaking). Prediction: Kirk will pick Oregon while Lee (annoying DODO) goes with the Trojans.

Pac-10 title on the line, not to mention BCS implications.

QUACK!!

You And I - Park Bom Koreans sure know how to make some cheesy,...

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 13:12:00 -0400

You And I - Park Bom

Koreans sure know how to make some cheesy, sad, and ridiculous (yet enjoyable) music videos…no translation necessary.

Guilty pleasure to the max.

When you're in a spelling bee and you miss a word, you never forget the word you missed and the proper spelling of it. Ever.

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 13:04:00 -0400

rooseter:

dvrton:

bennettulmer:

rosasparks:

natface:

my-kicks:

My word in 5th grade was “artichoke.”

3rd grade. Oratory.

1st grade. Women.

3rd grade. Voluminous.

4th grade. Antithesis.

I was the champ in 5th grade. I don’t remember what my final word was.

Caboose. I’ll never forget it.

6th Grade- Salmon. (damn the L!!)

6th grade. LUXURIOUS. I’ll never forget you.

8th grade. ALACRITY. If I had spelled this word correctly, I would’ve made the finals. And then I blew it.

But honestly, I don’t even remember having to use that word ever again. :P

I Have Unleashed Cholaronda

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 13:56:00 -0400

Once in a while, Rich and Josh send me snippets of their gmail chat conversations. And most of the time, I am horrified at the stuff coming out of their moufs. We used to be nice to each other. Now it’s just a 24/7 burn fest with lots of cussing and vulgarity.

I feel like both of them tone it down a bit with me (like when Ash tries to refrain from cussing around me…<3 and miss you lady!), but recently I feel like the floodgates have opened, particularly with Choronda. Maybe it started with him posting that banji/tranny pic of me in Esther’s sun dress, or possibly some sort of voodoo magic from the chola makeover Juan did, but he is not holding back any longer. You would think he would have some feeling of solidarity with me since we’re the only two ~~Koreans~~ ~~Asians~~ chanks in this group, but I guess not.

Just today, he was trying to blackmail me by saying he wouldn’t let me play Lips 2 if I didn’t go pick it up for him at Pentagon City. Exhibit A:

Rich: Go to Pentagon City and pick up Lips 2 for me.
Me: Gurl plz. That is your job. Greg told you to do it. Cuz it’s on lay-a-way. Hahaha.
Rich: Please. It’s paid for. Do it for Greg. And we’ll let you play it.
Me: Look at ‘chu trying to blackmail.
Rich: What a chank.
Me: GD.
Rich: SC.
Me: ?
Rich: Stupid c*nt.
Me: You are so vulgar!
Rich: IKR. Thanks.
Me: That is NOT a compliment.
Rich: Go get Lips 2 so I don’t have to. So you’re going to do it, right? THANKS RAY! OMG so grateful. Yay. <3
Me: Nope. Solly chank.
Rich: I hate your guts you dumb b*tch. Die.

(*Please note that all asterisks were included by me to censor this conversation a bit.)

"Old Man, Retirement, Medicare, Medicaid, AARP, Geritol, Cane, Hip Surgery, Medical Alert Bracelet,..."

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 13:18:00 -0400

“Old Man, Retirement, Medicare, Medicaid, AARP, Geritol, Cane, Hip Surgery, Medical Alert Bracelet, Wrinkles, Crow’s Feet, Grey Hair, Gramps, Coffin, Walker, Hoveround, Depends Undergarments, Golf”

- An e-mail from b*tch-azz puta (a.k.a. BAP) to me

choronda: Raykwonda has a penchant for wearing feminine clothes...

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 17:41:00 -0400

choronda:

Raykwonda has a penchant for wearing feminine clothes and accessories. Anytime he sees bangles, hair clips, obscenely large sunglasses, hair wraps, panty hose, tampons, etc., he must try it on to realize his potential as an Asian tranny.

So of course when he caught a glimpse of Esther’s beach cover up dress (he thought it was a kimono) at the Mandalay Bay pool, he got the itch to try it on immediately. And here you see Raykwonda becoming more aware of ~~him~~ herself.

Another thing to note: Do see Ray’s chank eyes? Or rather, do you see those slits on his face? Yeah, those are his eyes. And guess what? My roommate’s fancy little Nikon camera has a feature that alerts you when someone’s eyes are closed. So when this pictures was taken it drew a big yellow square on his face telling me so.

I was like, “No, racist camera, that’s an Asian tranny laughing.”

OCB. How VERY dare you post this burn all over the worldwide web unprovoked. And please, learn how to write proper English you dumb chank:

“So when this pictures was taken it drew a big yellow square on his face telling me so…”

O rry? When this “pictures”? You better stop trying me out of your mouf.

P.S. Don’t even try and tell me that Esther’s black cover-up didn’t look LELEGANT on me.

I’d Like To Get To Know You - Guy Sebastian From his 4th...

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 22:59:20 -0400

I’d Like To Get To Know You - Guy Sebastian

From his 4th LP The Memphis Album, where Guy puts on a vocal master class with some great soul gems from yesteryear. This tune in particular, however, is the only original composition of the bunch, written by Mr. Sebastian himself. He also had the privilege of recording the album in Tennessee with some living legends (Steve Cropper & the MG’s), many of whom worked with the original artists (e.g., Otis Redding, Al Green, Sam & Dave) themselves.

This dood has got some serious chops. For real, for real.

Oomaigahd, you are like, so like, sexual seduction righ...

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 15:02:00 -0400

Oomaigahd, you are like, so like, sexual seduction righ now!

This reminds me of when I used to play wingman for all of my homies at those ridiculous Korean clubs and lounges. ~~Groce~~ Good times!

I have a cold and I blame God and the Gays (© Lady Gaga).

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 15:35:55 -0400

kiamatthews:

Whenever I come down with some sort of sickness following a big party night or weekend, I IMMEDIATELY enter cunty detective mode, trying to figure out which dirty, germ-ridden no-longer-a-friend-of-mine asshole sonofabitch had the unmitigated gall to expose me to said sickness. I mean, HOW DARE?

So to all you stank bastards that were at my house this weekend, heads are gonna roll. I am not for this. It’s too early to be getting colds already. WASH YOUR HANDS. Nasty. Stay away from me you Typhoid Mary motherfuckers.

Not feel well?? Get drunk!

wontonburritomeals: ray-ray: themattsmith: kiamatthews: Let’s...

Sat, 12 Sep 2009 00:31:46 -0400

wontonburritomeals:

ray-ray:

themattsmith:

kiamatthews:

Let’s not even talk about how he constantly flirts with all my gay friends. Always. All the time. And you know what he said when I mentioned it this morning? “It’s not my fault” which I take to mean “Bitch it’s not my fault I’m fly as shit, haters to the left.”

I have no idea what she’s talking about.

Sup, Ray?

Suuup, Matt? Has Kia sent you that pic of me yet? Remind her about it if she hasn’t. ;)

Oh Ray. Have you learned nothing from Venessa Hudgens?

Oh Lord. This B. Juan, please remember to spell names correctly before attempting a burn.

themattsmith: kiamatthews: Let’s not even talk about how he...

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 22:13:13 -0400

themattsmith:

kiamatthews:

Let’s not even talk about how he constantly flirts with all my gay friends. Always. All the time. And you know what he said when I mentioned it this morning? “It’s not my fault” which I take to mean “Bitch it’s not my fault I’m fly as shit, haters to the left.”

I have no idea what she’s talking about.

Sup, Ray?

Suuup, Matt? Has Kia sent you that pic of me yet? Remind her about it if she hasn’t. ;)

Michelle Wie's New Blog Is Sexy and Intriguing

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 15:31:46 -0400

weiunderpar:

Michelle Wie started an awesome new blog called Black Flamingo. It’s cute. It’s fun. It’s endearing. Most important, it’s HOT! She showcases her art and DIY fashion work, but she doesn’t think they blend into one category, nor does she. Hence, the blog’s tagline: “A Mindless Blog About Life…and the Stuff That Doesn’t Fit In.” No, she hasn’t had a normal life, but it’s been interesting…and so is she.

She also wants to show some skin. She made a sexy dress out of “leather looking material, black jersey fabric, and zippers.” And, she models the hot, little outfit:

DAMN. She also provides the step-by-step instructions, and shares this very important one:

The top part of the dress…i just cut out a strip that was wide enough to cover my boobies. and then i folded the corners to make the shape…pretty easy stuff.

She finds creative inspiration in random things like a cat mask from a dollar store, which brought out her love for leopard print. She models another cool number:

As for her drawings/paintings, she loves calligraphy. Yes! She’s channeling her Asian roots.

See! She’s quite the artist.

We’ve been seeing the fun, interesting side of Michelle recently — there was her camaraderie and enthusiasm at the Solheim Cup (and stellar performance). Now, she’s showing that she’s a very talented young lady off the golf course, as well. I love it.

I didn’t really have the best impression of Ms. Wie after all the hype she had growing up, but now that’s she’s a full-time LPGA’er and I’ve gotten to see some more of her personality (most notably at the Solheim Cup), I’m not afraid to say that I’m a fan now. And it’s cool to see her branching out on her blog talking about everything BUT golf.

Introducing: Midnight

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 17:17:40 -0400

Matt: Ok, name 1 straight white male that has a Tyrese album. Lord. I need help.
Me: Tumbling immeds.
Matt: Public admission is a big step.

(Matt's musings following a stretch on his iTunes playlist that included Tyrese's "How You Gonna Act Like That," preceeded by H-Town's "Knockin' Da Boots.")

Just call him "Midnight." (Or maybe "Ebony"?)

Hello people of the internet. I'm really needing attention right now. Attention and distraction. Please IM me. I know you're not doing shit right now, none of us are doing work so hows about you IM me. That would make me feel less like crap today. BE NICE TO ME PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEE.

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 11:52:47 -0400

kiamatthews:

Or email.

O rly? Every time I gchat you give me one line answers or don’t respond. WHY DO YOU HATE ME?? Boo.

말을 해 (Say It) - J-Lim This is about as R&B as a Korean can...

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 15:30:00 -0400

말을 해 (Say It) - J-Lim

This is about as R&B as a Korean can get. Sang it gurl.

Some Engrish for your Fliday! :D

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 16:01:33 -0400

Some Engrish for your Fliday! :D