Shake The Dice, Steal The Rice!

Dec 02

Jesper Parnevik Channels Tony Soprano

While the rest of Tiger Woods’ golfing cohorts, for the most part, are (understandably) keeping their opinions to themselves, an outraged Jesper Parnevik, who played marriage-broker for Tiger and Elin, made some powerful comments:

“I would be especially sad about it since I’m kind of — I feel really sorry for Elin — since me and my wife were at fault for hooking her up with him. We probably thought he was a better guy than he is. I would probably need to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of the 3-iron.”

“It’s a private thing of course. But when you are the guy he is, the world’s best athlete, you should think more before you do stuff.” [via FanHouse]

Co-signed.

Meanwhile, according to Bill Zwecker of the Chicago-Sun Times, Elin is reportedly being bribed with a seven-figure paycheck to stand by her cheating husband. (Image management!) He also alleges the couple have entered marriage counseling and are renegotiating their prenuptial agreement:

My source indicated Elin Nordegren Woods, the mother of Tiger’s two children, has demanded — and is getting — a total rewrite on the couple’s prenuptial agreement making the incentives for her to remain Mrs. Tiger Woods even more enticing.

At this point, the couple needed to remain married for 10 years in order for Woods’ wife to collect a splitsville settlement of $20 million. I’m being told that time frame has been shortened — and the dollar amount increased “substantially.”

Perhaps most important of all, the Woodses have already begun intense marriage counseling — at their home — with a counselor who has been conducting sessions several times daily.

If they don’t work things out, Elin deserves way more of his kajillion fortune than $20 million. At this point, the only sympathy I feel is for Elin and their swedecaublasians. I have none for Tiger — he is still the greatest golfer in the world and I respect his game (on the golf course). But I also don’t necessarily rejoice in watching his perfectly manufactured life fall down the cracks and his dirty laundry aired to the world (despite my relentless coverage). Unfortunately, one of the drawbacks of being Tiger Woods — whether it’s fair or not — means suffering intense public scrutiny when he makes a pretty damn big mistake.

As Parnevik quipped, “Maybe not just do it, like Nike says.”

[Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images]

If I were Mrs. Nordegren-Woods, I would take that seven-figure bribery, wait until that rewritten pre-nup marriage time requirement has passed, and then immediately file for divorce the minute that time passes.

Mo’ money, mo’ money. I mean, she’s owed at least that much for all of the crazy shiz Tiger has just put her through. (And you know all that money is like pennies to Tiger.)

ACC/Big Ten Challenge Tonight

kiamatthews:

GOODBYE BIG TEN.

Down 47-27 at halftime, and down 23 a few minutes into the second half. Playing at Littlejohn Coliseum, one of the toughest venues in the ACC. Playing two true freshmen, in their first true college road game of their careers.

Illinois 76, Clemson 74. Fighting Illini indeed.

EDIT: Oh, bt-dubs: Big Ten 6, ACC 5. BAI.

Nov 15

The Monkey Is Off Her Back...

Michelle Wie finally has won her first LPGA title! Especially sweet considering it came at Lorena’s tournament, which is a limited-field event comprised of only 36 of the best women players. Considering she played her first LPGA event at the ripe old age of 12, it’s taken her 8 years.

I know a lot of folks will say it’s about freakin’ time, but you gotta remember this girl had so much pressure and attention right from the start to be the next Tiger. And she’s still only 20 years old.

I think the wins will come much faster for her from now on.

Nov 10

GPOYW, Tuesday edition: The I-just-shaved-off-all-my-locks-and-I’m-not-sure-about-it look.

Oct 29

HYUUUUGE game this weekend.

My Duckies will play host to perennial ~~college-football-team-everyone-hates-along- with-OSU~~ powerhouse USC. College Gameday will make Eugene their home on Saturday as well. Autzen will be rocking (and Matt Barkley will be shaking). Prediction: Kirk will pick Oregon while Lee (annoying DODO) goes with the Trojans.

Pac-10 title on the line, not to mention BCS implications.

QUACK!!

Oct 28

[video]

When you're in a spelling bee and you miss a word, you never forget the word you missed and the proper spelling of it. Ever.

rooseter:

dvrton:

bennettulmer:

rosasparks:

natface:

my-kicks:

My word in 5th grade was “artichoke.”

3rd grade. Oratory.

1st grade. Women.

3rd grade. Voluminous.

4th grade. Antithesis.

I was the champ in 5th grade. I don’t remember what my final word was.

Caboose. I’ll never forget it.

6th Grade- Salmon. (damn the L!!)

6th grade. LUXURIOUS. I’ll never forget you.

8th grade. ALACRITY. If I had spelled this word correctly, I would’ve made the finals. And then I blew it.

But honestly, I don’t even remember having to use that word ever again. :P

Oct 23

I Have Unleashed Cholaronda

Once in a while, Rich and Josh send me snippets of their gmail chat conversations. And most of the time, I am horrified at the stuff coming out of their moufs. We used to be nice to each other. Now it’s just a 24/7 burn fest with lots of cussing and vulgarity.

I feel like both of them tone it down a bit with me (like when Ash tries to refrain from cussing around me…<3 and miss you lady!), but recently I feel like the floodgates have opened, particularly with Choronda. Maybe it started with him posting that banji/tranny pic of me in Esther’s sun dress, or possibly some sort of voodoo magic from the chola makeover Juan did, but he is not holding back any longer. You would think he would have some feeling of solidarity with me since we’re the only two ~~Koreans~~ ~~Asians~~ chanks in this group, but I guess not.

Just today, he was trying to blackmail me by saying he wouldn’t let me play Lips 2 if I didn’t go pick it up for him at Pentagon City. Exhibit A:

Rich: Go to Pentagon City and pick up Lips 2 for me.
Me: Gurl plz. That is your job. Greg told you to do it. Cuz it’s on lay-a-way. Hahaha.
Rich: Please. It’s paid for. Do it for Greg. And we’ll let you play it.
Me: Look at ‘chu trying to blackmail.
Rich: What a chank.
Me: GD.
Rich: SC.
Me: ?
Rich: Stupid c*nt.
Me: You are so vulgar!
Rich: IKR. Thanks.
Me: That is NOT a compliment.
Rich: Go get Lips 2 so I don’t have to. So you’re going to do it, right? THANKS RAY! OMG so grateful. Yay. <3
Me: Nope. Solly chank.
Rich: I hate your guts you dumb b*tch. Die.

(*Please note that all asterisks were included by me to censor this conversation a bit.)

“Old Man, Retirement, Medicare, Medicaid, AARP, Geritol, Cane, Hip Surgery, Medical Alert Bracelet, Wrinkles, Crow’s Feet, Grey Hair, Gramps, Coffin, Walker, Hoveround, Depends Undergarments, Golf” — An e-mail from b*tch-azz puta (a.k.a. BAP) to me

Oct 17

choronda:

Raykwonda has a penchant for wearing feminine clothes and accessories. Anytime he sees bangles, hair clips, obscenely large sunglasses, hair wraps, panty hose, tampons, etc., he must try it on to realize his potential as an Asian tranny.

So of course when he caught a glimpse of Esther’s beach cover up dress (he thought it was a kimono) at the Mandalay Bay pool, he got the itch to try it on immediately. And here you see Raykwonda becoming more aware of ~~him~~ herself.

Another thing to note: Do see Ray’s chank eyes? Or rather, do you see those slits on his face? Yeah, those are his eyes. And guess what? My roommate’s fancy little Nikon camera has a feature that alerts you when someone’s eyes are closed. So when this pictures was taken it drew a big yellow square on his face telling me so.

I was like, “No, racist camera, that’s an Asian tranny laughing.”

OCB. How VERY dare you post this burn all over the worldwide web unprovoked. And please, learn how to write proper English you dumb chank:

“So when this pictures was taken it drew a big yellow square on his face telling me so…”

O rry? When this “pictures”? You better stop trying me out of your mouf.

P.S. Don’t even try and tell me that Esther’s black cover-up didn’t look LELEGANT on me.